Deciding if and when it's the "right" time to find more care for your loved one can be an enormous emotional and logistical challenge. Having "the talk" with a parent or partner is typically stressful, especially when the conversation includes moving out of their home. Even the idea of bringing someone into the home to provide more care will likely be met with hesitancy or resistance.
To you, the change is about keeping your loved one as safe as possible and getting them the level of care they need. To older adults, it's about a huge shift, from leaving their home to losing at least some of their independence. It's a life change we all hope to avoid. But this shift is often necessary, and it can lead not only to a safer, healthier life, but a more enriching one too. Making this decision carefully means learning to observe and interpret the physical and behavioral signs that indicate it's time to make a move.
There's No One-Size-Fits-All Timeline
Moving a loved one out of their home is a highly individualized decision, and it should never be made hastily (emergencies aside). There's no universal formula for how and when to make the call, and there are usually interventions worth trying first.
One family's experience:
The change in my grandparents' life was gradual and happened in stages:
- We hired a part-time, and later full-time, caregiver during the early stages of my grandfather's dementia
- We made their home wheelchair-accessible for my grandmother
- After their challenges progressed, we moved them to assisted living, where they could get appropriate care
My grandmother had fallen one too many times, making it clear she needed more physical help than we could provide at home, even with a 24/7 caregiver. My grandfather's dementia made routine tasks like eating and bathing a real challenge. No one wanted to see our grandparents leave their home, but after carefully evaluating each of their distinct needs, our family felt confident we were making the right decision.
15 Questions to Determine If It's Time for Assisted Living
Caring.com offers a helpful list of questions to guide this decision. Ask yourself:
- Is your loved one eating healthy, balanced meals regularly?
- Is there fresh, nutritious food in their refrigerator and pantry that isn't expired?
- Can they get around safely on their own? (Watch for unexplained bruises or minor injuries that may signal recent falls or accidents.)
- Are they wearing fresh, clean clothing each time you visit?
- Can they bathe themselves, groom adequately, and launder their clothes, towels, and linens?
- Is the house or yard as neat and clean as it used to be?
- Are they taking medications correctly, at the right dosage and time? Watch for hospitalizations, stockpiled or expired medications, and outdated pill boxes.
- Are they able to operate household appliances safely?
- Do they remember to turn off kitchen appliances after cooking?
- Is their home equipped with aging-in-place safety features, like grab bars and an emergency-response system?
- Do they have a plan to summon help in an emergency?
- If they're still driving, are they doing so safely? Watch for accidents or new dents and scratches. If they've stopped driving, do they have reliable alternate transportation?
- Are they paying bills on time and handling mail promptly? Watch for stacks of unopened mail, unpaid bills, and past-due notices.
- Do they have friends, family, or acquaintances they interact with regularly?
- Do they engage in hobbies or activities they enjoy?
And step back and ask yourself honestly: when you really look at this person, are they still active and vibrant, or do you see someone who has become more limited and needs added help around the house and with personal care?
If you answered "no" to most of these questions, your loved one likely needs more support to continue living safely and fully.
Next Steps: At-Home Care or Assisted Living?
Start by carefully considering at-home care and all of its implications, including who would realistically provide it.
It's also a good time to start researching assisted living communities in your area. Helpful resources include:
- Your local Agency on Aging, which can help evaluate the type of care needed
- Review sites like Yelp and Google Reviews
- Senior-specific directories like Seniorly.com and AssistedLiving.com
We'll continue sharing perspectives on this topic from a diverse group of voices, from thought leaders in the longevity space to those working on the frontlines in care communities.
About the Author
Ben Graham is the VP of Marketing at Joe & Bella. He leads content creation and partnerships, bringing together caregiving, aging experts and adaptive-clothing experts so Joe & Bella customers are fully equipped with knowledge to help them on their aging and caregiving journeys. With deep experience in research and writing, Ben ensures that all content is accurate and backed by research.
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