Caring for Someone With Dementia: Advice From a Dementia Care Coach

Anna Cantor is a dementia coach. Following her mother’s diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer’s in 2010, Anna became her full-time caregiver, deeply learning the ins and outs of the caregiving system. This experience inspired her current role. Anna coaches family caregivers through the logistical and emotional challenges that arise when caring for a family member who has dementia or Alzheimer’s. From finding the right care community, to managing grief, to developing skills to improve care, Anna employs a holistic approach to better prepare her, both practically and emotionally, to navigate this challenging journey.

Caring for someone with dementia can be unpredictable. Families may suddenly find themselves making medical decisions, managing changes in behavior, searching for long-term care, helping with everyday tasks and trying to support a loved one emotionally — often while navigating their own grief and uncertainty.

Anna Cantor understands that experience personally and professionally.

After her mother was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s and frontotemporal dementia at age 56, Anna became her primary family caregiver. She spent years learning how to navigate dementia care before eventually becoming a life coach and dementia consultant herself.

Her experience has taught her that there is no single roadmap for caring for someone with dementia. But families can prepare, find support and learn to adapt as their loved one's needs change.

Becoming a Caregiver After a Dementia Diagnosis

Anna's caregiving journey began unexpectedly.

At the time, she was living abroad in Germany. Her family had noticed that something seemed different about her mother, but the changes weren't immediately clear. When Anna returned home after being away for about a year, however, the difference was striking.

Her mother had been working as a high school art teacher, and problems were beginning to emerge at work. She was struggling with responsibilities such as taking attendance and interacting with students appropriately.

Anna eventually contacted the school district because she believed something more serious was happening.

Her mother was diagnosed in 2010 at just 56 years old.

Anna quickly became her primary caregiver.

“I pretty much dropped what I was doing in my life to be her caregiver. And that journey was just something that completely changed my life.”

The early months were consumed by logistics: medical appointments, second and third opinions, Power of Attorney paperwork and trying to understand what the diagnosis would mean.

At the same time, there was little opportunity to emotionally process what was happening.

“I felt like I had no time to grieve. I didn't really feel like I had time to process it.”

That combination of emotional stress and practical responsibility is something many families experience when dementia suddenly becomes part of their lives.

Learning How to Care for Someone With Dementia

Like many new family caregivers, Anna didn't initially feel prepared.

She sought out education wherever she could find it, including support groups and conferences through the Alzheimer's Association.

That support became an important part of learning how to care for her mother.

Looking back, Anna says one of the biggest differences she would make today is having more patience — both with her mother and with herself.

“I would have had much more patience. I would have understood the disease more. I would have understood what she needed.”

She also wishes she had relied more heavily on other people.

Trying to manage dementia care alone can quickly become overwhelming. Family members, friends, caregiver support groups, therapists and dementia professionals can all provide different forms of support.

Anna's advice to new care partners is simple: find someone to talk to.

Being responsible for a loved one's care does not mean carrying every part of that responsibility alone.

Coping With Caregiver Guilt

Guilt is another common part of the caregiving experience.

Family members may wonder whether they should have recognized symptoms earlier, handled a difficult situation differently or spent more time with their loved one before dementia progressed.

Anna experienced some of those same feelings.

Rather than trying to eliminate guilt completely, she believes it is more helpful to acknowledge and work through it.

“It's important to create awareness around it, rather than saying it's not good and you should never feel guilty, because that just doesn't help.”

For Anna, one lingering emotion is wishing she could have spent more time with her mother before the disease changed their relationship.

Those feelings don't necessarily disappear, but caregivers can learn how to process them without allowing guilt to define the entire caregiving experience.

There Is No Predictable Dementia Timeline

One of the most difficult parts of caring for someone with dementia is uncertainty.

Families understandably want to know what will happen next and how quickly the disease will progress. But dementia can develop very differently from one person to another.

Anna remembers wanting a much clearer picture of what the future would look like.

“When I started this journey, I had hoped that the journey itself would be more clear and defined. It's not, and it won't be.”

That doesn't mean families can't prepare.

Anna encourages caregivers to think ahead about practical issues such as changes to the home, legal planning, long-term care and eventually end-of-life decisions.

Those conversations can be uncomfortable, especially when the immediate situation feels manageable. But planning earlier can make difficult decisions somewhat easier later.

What a Dementia Coach Can Help With

Anna eventually turned her own caregiving experience into a career helping other families navigate dementia.

After her mother moved into long-term care, Anna became certified as a life coach and later trained as a dementia consultant through Teepa Snow's organization.

Her coaching combines practical problem-solving with emotional support.

One session might involve researching a memory care community, discussing safety changes around the home or identifying questions to ask a potential care provider.

Another might focus heavily on grief, guilt or how caregiving has changed a person's identity.

That balance is important because dementia care rarely involves just one problem.

Families are often simultaneously managing medical decisions, household responsibilities, relationships, finances, personal care and their own emotional well-being.

Understanding Difficult Dementia Behaviors

Behavior that seems irrational can sometimes make more sense when caregivers look at the situation from the perspective of the person living with dementia.

Anna gives the example of someone who repeatedly tries to leave the house.

Rather than focusing only on stopping the behavior, she encourages families to consider what might be triggering it.

Perhaps the person always left for work at a certain time. Maybe putting on their shoes and walking outside was part of a lifelong evening routine. Something near the front door could also be prompting the impulse to leave.

Understanding the pattern may reveal ways to change the environment or routine.

“Small changes to an environment can make a big impact.”

Communication can require a similar adjustment.

It can be frustrating when someone with dementia no longer responds to explanations or reasoning the way they once did. But Anna reminds caregivers that the person living with dementia may no longer have the ability to change their response.

That often means the caregiver has to adapt instead.

Changes to the person's environment, daily routine or sources of stress may be more effective than repeatedly trying to correct the behavior.

Visiting Someone With Dementia in Memory Care

Families often wonder how frequently they should visit a loved one in memory care — and whether a visit still matters if the person won't remember it later.

Anna doesn't believe there is one correct schedule.

The goal should be to create meaningful moments rather than measuring a visit by whether the person remembers it afterward.

One of Anna's clients had a father who had always loved reading the newspaper. During virtual visits, his daughter would simply open the newspaper and read to him.

He might not have remembered the stories later.

But that wasn't necessarily the point.

The familiar activity could still provide connection, comfort and enjoyment while it was happening.

For families struggling with guilt over how often they visit, Anna encourages them to recognize that everyone's circumstances are different. A meaningful relationship with someone who has dementia cannot always be measured by the number or length of visits.

Helping Someone With Dementia Get Dressed

Everyday activities can also become more challenging as dementia progresses, including getting dressed.

A person may become confused by the steps involved, resist assistance or feel uncomfortable when another person enters their personal space to help them put on clothing.

Anna notes that dressing can sometimes feel intrusive to the person receiving assistance.

Traditional clothing may make the process harder if it requires pulling garments over the head, manipulating small fasteners or moving stiff arms and legs through restrictive openings.

Clothing that opens more easily can reduce some of those challenges.

Soft, lightweight fabrics may also feel more comfortable, particularly for someone who becomes tense during dressing.

But function isn't the only consideration.

Anna believes families should continue thinking about the person's individual style.

Her own grandmother, for example, always cared about looking polished and put together.

“I think oftentimes people only think about the function of clothing when it comes to older adults and those with dementia. But the form, the aesthetic, is so important.”

Clothing can be part of a person's identity. Dementia doesn't erase the importance of personal style or the desire to feel like yourself.

For families experiencing dressing challenges, adaptive clothing for people with dementia may offer features designed to simplify dressing while still looking like traditional everyday clothing.

Using Familiar Objects and Sensory Activities

Finding meaningful activities can become more difficult as dementia progresses, but simple forms of engagement may still provide comfort.

Anna is a supporter of dolls, companion pets and other objects that provide a sense of familiarity or purpose.

For some people with dementia, caring for a doll or interacting with a realistic companion animal can be soothing.

Sensory activities can provide another form of engagement.

Some memory care communities incorporate different textures into their environments so residents can interact with materials such as fleece, faux fur or textured fabrics as they walk through a hallway.

The specific activity matters less than finding something that feels safe, accessible and meaningful to the individual.

Caregivers Need to Care for Themselves, Too

One of Anna's most important lessons isn't about dementia itself. It's about what can happen to the person providing the care.

Caregiving can gradually consume so much time and emotional energy that it becomes a person's entire identity.

Anna frequently asks her clients a deceptively simple question:

“Who were you before you became a caregiver?”

She encourages people to think about hobbies, relationships, interests and parts of themselves that may have disappeared as caregiving responsibilities increased.

Supporting a family member with dementia may become one of the most important roles in someone's life. But it doesn't have to become the only one.

As Anna tells the families she works with:

“You're losing your parent. You're losing your spouse. You don't have to lose you.”

Finding Your Own Path Through Dementia Care

There is no universal formula for caring for someone with dementia.

The disease progresses differently from person to person, and every family's situation comes with its own relationships, resources and challenges.

What caregivers can do is continue learning and adapting.

That might mean joining a support group, asking family members for help, working with a dementia professional, planning for future care needs or changing the way everyday activities are approached.

Sometimes it can be as simple as making dressing easier, changing something in the person's environment or spending an hour together doing an activity that feels familiar.

The path may not always be predictable.

But caregivers don't have to navigate it alone.