Carol Marak is a Solo Advisor and Advocate, and soon-to-be-published author of the book Solo and Smart. Carol is a former family caregiver; she has spent the last decade providing help and advice to countless aging adults planning for their future. Carol’s work has appeared in Time Magazine, ABC News, New York Times, USA Today, Washington Post, US News and AARP the Magazine.

Solo Aging: Carol Marak on How to Plan for Aging Alone

For many people, planning for later life comes with an unspoken assumption: if something goes wrong, a spouse, child or other close family member will be there to help.

But what if you don't have that built-in support system?

Carol Marak began asking herself that question after years of helping care for her own parents. She was single, had no children and realized that the type of support she and her sisters had provided their parents might not automatically be available to her.

That realization eventually led Carol to become an advocate for people who are aging without a spouse, partner, children or dependable family nearby.

This conversation was originally published as a two-part Joe & Bella interview. We've consolidated it here and removed dated references while preserving Carol's firsthand experiences and advice about planning for solo aging.

What Is a Solo Ager?

The term "solo ager" generally refers to someone who is growing older without assuming that a spouse, partner, adult child or close family member will be available to provide care or help manage major decisions.

That doesn't necessarily mean someone is socially isolated or literally alone. A solo ager may have close friends, siblings, extended family and a strong community. The difference is that they need to think deliberately about who will fill roles that families often assume a spouse or child will handle.

For Carol, that realization came directly from her own experience as a family caregiver.

Caring for Her Parents Changed How Carol Thought About Her Own Future

Before becoming known for her work around solo aging, Carol was helping her parents.

Her mother lived with several chronic health conditions and required frequent appointments and assistance. Carol was working full time at the time, and she and her sisters shared caregiving responsibilities.

"My sisters and I shared the responsibility of taking care of them. My parents remained in their own home. My mother required a lot of attention due to her chronic illnesses, so it took a lot of our time to run her to doctors and clinics and the places she needed to go. Caregiving is tough!"

After her mother died, Carol and her sisters discovered that their father was experiencing significant cognitive decline. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and eventually moved into a nursing home.

Carol's family remained closely involved.

"We had to oversee his care... So it took more of our time: spending time with him every day, feeding him, making sure he was properly clothed, etc."

At the time, Carol was focused on doing what needed to be done. It was only after both parents had died that she had the space to reflect on how much caregiving had required from the family.

"Who's Going to Do That for Me?"

Carol had begun writing about caregiving while she was still helping her parents. She created a website called Working Caregiver to talk about the experience of simultaneously working and caring for older family members.

After her parents died, she continued writing about aging and caregiving. Then, one day while she was out walking, a much more personal question occurred to her.

"I found myself crying because I was missing my parents. And it occurred to me, 'Oh my God, that was a lot of work.' I was so busy with caring for them, and it was such important work."

Then came the realization that ultimately redirected her career.

"And then it hit me: 'Oh, no, who's going to do that for me?'"

Carol wasn't married. She didn't have a partner or children, and her siblings were older than she was.

"I just thought, 'What am I going to do?'"

Instead of leaving that question unanswered, Carol began researching what it meant to prepare for aging without a traditional family caregiver.

That became the foundation of her work around solo aging.

What Do Solo Agers Need to Plan For?

Carol's starting point was surprisingly straightforward: she looked at everything she had done for her parents and asked herself who would handle those same responsibilities for her.

"I looked at all the issues that I helped my parents with. That's where I started."

Several areas quickly rose to the top.

"At the top were, of course, health, housing, social connections, support and care, and transportation."

Finances were another major part of her planning.

Those categories remain useful because they force the conversation beyond traditional retirement planning. Saving enough money matters, but finances alone don't answer questions such as who will drive you to an appointment, who will notice if something is wrong, who will advocate for you during an illness or whether your current home will still work if your mobility changes.

Carol's approach is to think about those questions while there is still time to create options.

Start With Your Health and Your Ability to Manage Daily Life

Carol began her own plan by thinking about health.

"I started with my health because, as an aging adult, it doesn't matter how much money you have or even how many children you have. Without good health, nothing else matters."

That's Carol's personal philosophy rather than a guarantee that good health can always be preserved through planning. Her larger point is that changes in health can affect nearly every other part of a solo-aging plan, from housing and transportation to finances and the amount of help someone may need.

A useful planning exercise is to ask what would happen if the routines that feel easy today became more difficult.

Who could help after surgery?

How would you get groceries if you temporarily couldn't drive?

Who would know which medications you take?

Who could accompany you to a complicated medical appointment?

Who could advocate for you if you couldn't advocate for yourself?

Solo aging planning is partly about making sure those questions have answers that don't depend entirely on circumstances working out.

Financial Planning Matters, but It Isn't the Whole Plan

Carol also focused heavily on long-term finances.

Someone aging alone may need to purchase services that a spouse or adult child might otherwise provide informally. That makes understanding one's resources and future expenses especially important.

But Carol's approach to solo aging goes well beyond calculating a retirement balance. Money cannot personally check on you, drive you somewhere, notice a change in your behavior or understand your wishes during a crisis.

A strong financial plan therefore needs to sit alongside a human and logistical plan.

Who can help?

What services are available?

Who has access to important information?

Which professionals might need to become part of your support system?

Those questions are especially important for someone who cannot simply write "my daughter will handle it" in the blank spaces.

Where You Live Can Shape How Easy Solo Aging Becomes

Housing is another major piece of Carol's planning.

The question isn't simply whether someone wants to remain in their current home. Carol encourages people to think about how the home and surrounding neighborhood would work if their circumstances changed.

"Your home, and its proximity to others, is also critical, as for most of us having a connection to people who live near you helps you feel safe and remain independent."

A home may work extremely well today but become less practical if driving becomes difficult, stairs become challenging or nearby friends move away.

Other people may prefer a retirement or senior living community where neighbors, activities and services are close by.

Carol doesn't believe there is one correct housing choice for every solo ager.

"There are so many factors to consider, including whether you can and want to continue living at home or perhaps move to a retirement community, where there are other people like you. And of course, if you need more care, that helps to drive your decision."

The more useful question is whether the place you live supports the life you want now and whether you have a plan for what happens if that changes.

Don't Wait Until You Need a Support Network to Build One

Social connection plays a particularly important role in Carol's approach.

For someone aging without immediate family support, friends, neighbors and community relationships may eventually become part of the practical support system as well as the social one.

Carol encourages people to look around at the relationships they have now.

Who checks in on you?

Whom would you call if you needed a ride home from a procedure?

Does anyone nearby have a key to your home?

Who would notice if they hadn't heard from you?

These relationships don't necessarily need to involve a large circle of people.

"You only need one or two who can check in on each other with whom to build a sense of a family-like environment."

Carol's point isn't that a couple of neighbors can replace every professional or caregiving need someone may eventually have. It's that independence can become fragile when there is nobody else paying attention.

Creating those relationships takes time, which is why she encourages people to start before they urgently need help.

Making Friends Later in Life Can Take Work

Carol acknowledges that building relationships as an adult isn't always easy.

People retire. Friends move. Someone becomes ill. Relationships change.

For a solo ager, allowing a social network to gradually disappear can leave fewer options when support is eventually needed.

"We need to keep challenging ourselves, and that includes being social and meeting new people."

That doesn't mean everyone needs to become highly social or constantly surround themselves with other people. Someone may be perfectly happy with a small circle.

The important distinction is between choosing a small social life and discovering that there is nobody available when help is needed.

Carol encourages solo agers to think intentionally about maintaining and building meaningful relationships instead of assuming those connections will always take care of themselves.

Transportation Is Easy to Ignore Until You Can't Drive

Transportation is another issue Carol believes deserves attention long before someone has to stop driving.

"Make sure you stay social. Make sure you can stay connected. Figure out transportation."

When Carol began making her own plan, she looked at what was available around her. Could she walk to essential places? Could she use a rideshare service? What other transportation options existed if she eventually chose not to drive?

The specific solution will differ depending on where someone lives.

The important part is asking the question before the answer becomes urgent.

If you could no longer drive tomorrow, how would you:

• Buy groceries?
• Reach medical appointments?
• Visit friends?
• Attend activities?
• Get prescriptions?
• Handle emergencies?

For a solo ager deciding where to live, transportation may be just as important as the home itself.

Technology Can Support a Plan, but It Can't Be the Entire Plan

Carol also uses technology as one layer of her personal support system.

She described using a check-in service that asks her to confirm that she's okay.

"It sends me a little message: 'Are you okay this morning?' And I click 'yes' and move on with my day."

If she doesn't respond, the system can notify a designated contact.

Tools like check-in services, medication reminders and emergency-alert technology can add another layer of support for someone living alone.

But technology doesn't eliminate the need for actual relationships.

An app can send an alert.

Someone still needs to receive it and know what to do next.

That is why Carol's broader approach combines technology with people, planning and community rather than treating technology as a replacement for them.

Solo Aging Doesn't Have to Be Defined by Fear

When people first confront the idea of aging alone, the discussion can quickly become focused on everything that might go wrong.

Carol understands that fear. Her own work started with the unsettling question of who would help her after watching how much help her parents had required.

But she does not want solo aging to become synonymous with catastrophe.

When asked what she enjoyed about this stage of life, Carol talked about learning, growth and discovering new possibilities.

"I feel very blessed and I'm very, very grateful for all the opportunities that I've allowed myself to have in terms of growing and learning new skills."

Getting older, in her view, has also helped her better understand herself.

"As I've gotten older, I've learned how to appreciate who I am."

Instead of focusing exclusively on what may eventually become more difficult, Carol tries to remain curious about what she can still learn and contribute.

"What are those gifts that I have developed that I can now teach others?"

Keep Growing

One of Carol's strongest opinions concerns the idea that retirement should mean withdrawing from growth, learning or contribution.

She does not plan to retire in the conventional sense herself, and she encourages other people to continue finding things that challenge or interest them.

"My greatest joy [is] not to give up embracing newness and novelty just because I'm getting older."

That doesn't mean everyone needs to continue working or approach retirement the way Carol does.

Someone else's meaningful later life might include volunteering, traveling, helping family, taking classes, creating art or simply having more time to enjoy relationships.

The broader idea is that planning for later life shouldn't focus solely on avoiding problems.

It can also include asking:

What do I want this stage of my life to contain?

That's especially important for a solo ager because a strong plan isn't only about who will help during a crisis. It's also about creating a life that remains meaningful before any crisis occurs.

Being Independent Doesn't Have to Mean Doing Everything Alone

One theme runs through almost everything Carol says about solo aging.

Independence is valuable, but complete self-reliance can become a vulnerability if there is no backup plan.

Someone may be extremely independent at 65, 70 or 75. That doesn't guarantee that the same systems will work indefinitely.

Planning does not mean surrendering independence.

It can mean protecting it by deciding in advance where help would come from if circumstances changed.

That help might eventually include:

• Friends or neighbors
• Extended family
• Professional caregivers
• A geriatric care manager
• Financial or legal professionals
• Community organizations
• Transportation services
• A senior living community
• Technology
• Paid household help

The mix will be different for every person.

The important thing is not to assume the plan will somehow appear when it becomes necessary.

Carol's Advice for Someone Beginning to Plan for Solo Aging

You don't need to solve your entire future at once.

Start by taking inventory of your current situation.

Where do you live?

Who is around you?

Who do you trust?

How is your health?

How secure are your finances?

How would you get around without a car?

Who would advocate for you?

Who would know if you needed help?

Then look for the gaps.

Carol's own journey began because she recognized a gap that frightened her:

"Who's going to do that for me?"

Instead of avoiding the question, she started building an answer.

That may be the most useful lesson from her story.

Solo aging doesn't mean predicting everything that will happen decades from now. It means recognizing that some of the support people commonly expect from family may need to be created intentionally.

The sooner you begin identifying those people, systems and resources, the more choices you may have when circumstances eventually change.

About Carol Marak

Carol Marak is a solo aging strategist, speaker and the author of Solo and Smart. Her work focuses on helping adults prepare for later life without assuming a spouse, partner, adult children or nearby family will be available to provide support.

She also founded the Elder Orphan Facebook community for adults navigating many of the same questions around aging without traditional family support.

Related Joe & Bella Resources

You may also find these resources helpful:

• How to Find Purpose in Retirement When Volunteering Isn't for You
• Should an Aging Parent Age in Place, Downsize or Move to Senior Living?
• What Is a Geriatric Care Manager? How They Help Aging Parents and Caregivers
• Questions to Ask Aging Parents About Their Future